Pair of Dorks Part 1

Reader submitted. Thanks for busting these jack holes!

My, oh my! Two bad parkers side by side. Today, we'll focus on the car and leave the van for tomorrow. Why overload on the fun and leave ourselves spent? If I wanted to do that, I'd rub one out before my morning coffee.

I just don't understand why people can't park properly between the lines. I mean, they're bright yellow. They're universal. It's not like it's a new system the world has implemented and it's taking awhile to catch on. It's a fucking parking lot!

Just throwing out a theory here: Bad parkers make bad lovers.

For the guys who can't seem to settle in between the lines, I picture you blindly stabbing your pork sword forward against some poor woman's (or guys) inner legs for hours, trying to get it in.

And the ladies who park like crap? I picture more than one of you with an eye patch; having had your ocular socket skewered by throbbing man meat when you couldn't line yourself up for a proper BJ.

Am I wrong? Am I right? Who gives a shit! You're a fucking idiot! Learn To Park, Jerk!