Friday, July 16, 2010

Driving Force A Foot Up Your Ass


You've got to love the freedom that comes with a rental vehicle. You never have to care about it as though it were your own because...well, it's NOT !

It's the same freedom they get when they swap sisters at their weekly family reunion/swinger's get together. They'll always push the swapped sister farther because 'she ain't my property since I dun lost 'er in a game of homersexual Slap Ass.'

Good luck with your three headed webbed toed babies and Learn To Park, Jerk!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Optima Prime Asshole


Viewer submitted. You crafty parking lot ninja, you!

Just like our previous post, here we have someone who parks outside the assigned parking stall area.

Perhaps they think those yellow lines are made of rubber and affords more traction should the parkade fall victim to an earthquake.

Or, perhaps, they feel the rules of society don't apply to them. So, they'll park on the yellow lines, shit on public toilet seats and drop the "N" bomb in casual conversation even though they're obviously white trash.

Or it could just quite possibly be...and this is a stretch...that this person is just a God Damn Fucking Asshole.

You know...that last one just feels right.

Hey, God Damn Fucking Asshole?

Learn To Park, Jerk!

Friday, July 2, 2010

Porsche - German for Asswipe


Viewer submitted. Thanks for stalking men in fancy cars! It's already paying off!

Learn To Park, Jerk! presents a classic story:

Meet Boy.

Boy likes other boys.

Boy lives in uptight small community where the only homo is the town clergy.

Boy blows town clergy.

Boy becomes Man and later sues town clergy for molestation.

Man becomes rich.

Man buys welfare version of Porsche Carrera and moves to Big Gay City.

Man gets blown then killed by local fuckhead and has Porsche stolen.

Local fuckhead parks like the cocksucker he is and gets photographed.

Local photographer becomes featured on popular website.

No one blows owner of Learn To Park, Jerk!

Ironic.

The moral of the story?

IF YOU DON'T WANT ANYONE PARKING NEAR YOUR STOLEN VEHICLE THAT YOU GOT THROUGH A LETHAL GAY ENCOUNTER, LEAVE IT THE FUCK AT HOME!

Oh, and Learn To Park, Jerk!