Wednesday, November 19, 2008

BMW - Be More Waspish?

Reader submitted. Thanks for the drive by shooting!

The classic "My Car Is Worth More Than Your Wife's Fake Jugs So I'll Park So No One Will Ding The Only Thing I Have Of Value In My Life Oh God I'm So Lonely".

What do we say to jerks like this, class? All together now!


Excellent everybody! And what else do we say to dried man juice stains like this?



Monday, November 17, 2008

Ain't That Grand AM!

Reader submitted. Learn To Park, Jerk! Ninjas are EVERYWHERE!!!

From the photo's owner him/herself!

"This jerk parked over two stalls so he could avoid door dings that would otherwise ruin the “pristine” exterior of his priceless Grand Am. It looks like he learned his lesson the hard way as someone squeezed in next to him and appears to have dinged his car with a sledgehammer."

It's hard to tell from this photo that the door is dinged. But isn't that the kind of justice you'd like to see? I'd also like to see the car's owner get their pubes stuck on a fresh strip of fly paper too! Official Learn To Park, Jerk! Flypaper, coming to a store near you!

Then they'd know a higher power had gotten them back! Until then, stop being a vagina-less douche and Learn To Park, Jerk!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

POST #100

Reader submitted. Congrats on being the 100th post! You don't get anything but bragging rights but hey! If you're a social outcast who likes taking pictures of parked cars, that's probably pretty damn cool anyway!

When Grandma died and left you your inheritance, she left strict instructions to use the money to better your life. So what did you do?

You bought a Dodge Intrepid.

You didn't go back to school to get your GED.

You didn't do something about your messed up donkey teeth.

You didn't even look into getting your second testicle surgically descended.


You bought a used sports car.

Maybe you should have bought a used 70's Volkswagen Beetle and used the rest of the money to Learn To Park, Jerk!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Crooked, Clueless But Not Odorless

Reader submitted! Thanks for the shot! But maybe next time, use a flash or whip out a lighter to shed a little light on the picture!

Had to brighten the picture to show what exactly the problem was here. Thanks to the power of modern technology and an overpriced version of Photoshop, we discover what evil lurks in the dark. A poorly parked Fuckimus Faceus!

Parked on an angle. Taking up two spaces. And probably has a dashboard covered in cigarette burns and boogers. Typical rural Albertan!

Lookee here, Zeke! Thanks for bringing your wheat money and tainted beef coinage into our bustling city to buy the latest plaid and flannel fashions. But if you want to be taken seriously, smarten the hell up and Learn To Park, Jerk!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Too Damn Nosey!

Reader submitted! Thanks for snapping this from the safety of your Pope-mobile.

So what kind of person parks so far into a stall that the front of their vehicle penetrates the stall on the other side?

(1) Child molesters
(2) Lepers
(3) Gang Rapists
(4) STD Carriers
(5) Fucking Idiots

Do you also park your vehicle with the front of it smashed through the back of your garage? No? Then you must have some concept of where the front of your vehicle is. Take a moment and back up next time. Something your Daddy should have done before laying down with your Momma!

Smarten up and Learn To Park, Jerk!