Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Sometimes folks make my job here too easy. In this case, it's the lame ass driver who has made this posting much simpler.


BEZZY is slang for "bitch". It also describes a girl as "a slut; stupid; a whore".

Well, that pretty much describes this parker to a tee. And we all know my feelings on vanity plates. Makes morons like this easier to spot in public.

So, BEZZY...what can I say that you haven't already? Except Learn To Park, Jerk!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Vanity Jackoff

You've got to love vanity plates. Makes assholes like this easier to identify in the real world.

You wanted to stand out. With a park job like that, how could you not?

And you thought we'd all judge you by your big ears, elephant like nose and horrendous back acne. Pffft!

Learn To Park, Jerk!

Mitsubishi - Japanese For Douchebag

While there are two vehicles parked like complete and total idiots, it all starts with the sporty penis extension on the right.

Simply stated, what the hell were you thinking? You are just about the most ignorant asshole this website has seen. And although the van next to you also parked like an idiot, I'm so glad he did. And I sincerely hope he had a passenger who dinged the hell out of your vehicle.

You are the reasons hamsters eat their young and women turn gay.

Learn To Park, Jerk!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Typical Albertan Truck Owner

We're seeing it here almost daily. Truck owners who just dump their truck in any old position in a parking lot. These are probably the same guys who hire hookers and leave them for dead on abandoned country roads.

If you can't park your vehicle correctly, you shouldn't be driving it. Just like if you can't satisfy your woman, you shouldn't driving that either.

My advice to you? Buy a hatchback. Get a fat ugly chick with low standards. And Learn To Park, Jerk!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Smart Like Screen Door On Submarine

It's looking like if you drive a Sierra, you're probably dumber than a piece of horse shit run over and sun baked on the side of a country road. Not that they aren't a quality truck but, rather, based on the number of bad parkers who drive them.

Like this fucking idiot. He turns the corner to get into the spot and, instead of straightening himself out, just leaves things as is. If he had a passenger (like some fat bitch named Buella or an obese gay life partner named Andy), she/he undoubtedly dinged the car next to his.

It's folks like this that need a shotgun blast to the face and a porcupine shoved up their ass. And what the hell! Why not throw in a really nasty paper cut too!

When you're rotting in Hell and having a red hot poker slammed into your ass every hour on the hour, remember this is partially why you're there. I know. You'll probably enjoy it at first. Who wouldn't? But it'll get to you over time.

Learn To Park, Jerk!

Monday, September 15, 2008

Cause and Affect (Yes...AFFECT!)

A nice demonstration of how one waste of oxygen can turn someone else into a total jizz stain of a parker.

See the car on the far right? He's crowding the line of his parking spot. That alone makes him worth less than a homeless woman's three month old tampon covered in lint. But because of their thoughtless action, the car next to him (either subconsciously or otherwise) has parked like a total ass lick.

Two wrongs don't make a right. So, to the both of you, pull your heads out of your asses...or each other's asses...and Learn To Park, Jerk!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Sierra Club You Upside The Head

Another Sierra parked by a passenger of the short school bus. Obviously, a person like this has the inability to finish things. I'll bet their house is full of unfinished projects.

Model airplanes half built.

Partially built wooden shelves in the workshop.

The wife still on her back waiting for this dick-less wonder to "finish the job" like a real man.

And now? A truck that hasn't been pulled fully into its allotted space. Shameful.

Cowboy up, hillbilly, and finish something for once in your life. And Learn To Park, Jerk!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

My-Yi-Yi Corolla (Is Parked Incorrectly)

What can we deduce from this picture?

(1) This person has an ass big enough to require it's own area code, hence the reason they left so much space on the driver's side.

(2) They're lonely and alone. You'd think if they had a passenger or ANYONE who could stand to spend even one second with them, they'd leave them some room to get out on the passenger side should someone park next to them.

(3) They'll be first against the wall when the revolution starts. The New World Order has no room for asshole parkers, looters or finger sniffers.

So do yourself a favor for now and the future and Learn To Park, Jerk!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Minneapolis Motherf***ker

Reader submitted from the Minneapolis airport. Way to keep the Twin Cities on it's toes!

This is another first. Parking in an area that's not even a parking spot. This is a great example of douche-baggery at it's best.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that this vehicle belongs to a senior. A senior who plays a LOT of shuffle board. And when he saw those horizontal lines, he slammed the car into neutral and glided into his final resting place. Score!

My second guess is that this car belongs to a Grade A fuck nut who couldn't be bothered to search around for an open space. Listen pal. We all hate going to the airport. It's busy. It's crowded. It smells like foreign ass on the best of days. But the world doesn't revolve around you. So smarten the fuck up before someone pistol whips you in the men's room. And by pistol, I mean penis.

By the way, although the world doesn't revolve around you, feel free to rotate on my middle finger. And Learn To Park, Jerk!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Short Hiatus

Just to update you all...I'm in the process of moving and will be without high speed internet access for the next few days. But keep on sending in your photos. I've already received a bunch over the long weekend and they will be posted next week. Thanks for contributing.

Since you're in such a giving mood, feel free to send large wads of cash to pay for my stupidly inconvenient move. That's the last time I bet my house on red 30. Long story short? Roulette is gay.

So, instead of you checking the site everyday and getting pissed that I haven't done sweet fuck all on the site, you can take a short breather and start coming back on September 8th. That's when I'll have spliced the neighbors cable and hijacked his steady flow of animal porn.