Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Another First: A Bad Parking Comic

Reader submitted. Pretty much says it all. Normally, I don't publish stuff like this but it's actually topic appropriate. This is the world I'd like to someday live in. This or the world where women worship me like the Godly Parking Nerd I am! Either or.

Kudos to xkcd.com for this comic. Not always funny but, then, neither am I. Bah! Who asked you? Learn To Park, Jerk!

The Jerks Are Deep In The Heart Of Texas

Reader submitted. From a window. In a building. With a sniper rifle by their side. First JFK, now bad parkers.

Whoa whoa whoa! you may be saying to yourselves. Why is this guy posted here? He's clearly parked between the lines. You're getting out of control with your accusations, Parking Jerk!

Settle down, Gumby. Think about it. Look how the car is turned inwards. If you tried to park to the right of this shit stain, you'd stand to lose a layer of paint (if Mr. Ass Sniff tries to straighten out when he pulls out) or your rear fender (if he just pulls out the same way he pulled in). While you COULD use that spot, it's a risky move. This putz effectively ruined that spot for anyone not driving a SMART car or a rickshaw pulled by your Mom.

It's not just about crossing the line. It's about fucking up other parking spots for the normal folk out there. All three of us.

So...do Round Rock, Texas a favor and dry hump an electrical socket. And Learn To Park, Jerk!

Monday, September 14, 2009

Crossing Over: Jerk Edition

Reader submitted. Ya stinkin' tattletale. Keep it up!

Why do people park like this? My theory is that most folks are dumber than fuck. And let's not forget inconsiderate. Punching a cripple in a wheelchair is one thing, but parking over the line is, well, over the line!

If Stevie Wonder had parked this car like this, I'd say he did one hell of a job! But I'd still post this picture. Since I doubt this was old Stevie's work, I gladly pass along this message:

Go fuck yourself with a large wooden dowel! Oh, and Learn To Park, Jerk!

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Share and Share Alike, Butthole!

Reader submitted. Thanks for saving me a trip to N.C. Pffft. Like I can get across the border with this site on my record.

What makes this skid mark unique isn't how poorly he parks his vehicle. Or how gay it looks with a girl's bike hanging off the back. Just take a gander at the bumper sticker. What's that say?

Share the road?

SHARE THE ROAD? You can't share a fucking parking lot! You take up two spaces and you want people to share the road with you? Two words, jizz mop: (1) FUCK (2) YOU.

And just so you don't think someone put this bumper sticker there as a joke:

It's on the fucker's license plate too! Holy sweet FUCK almighty!

The next time someone edges your sorry, sweat soaked, saddle bag of an ass off the road when you're peddling your Schwinn to 31 Flavors , remember that Karma's a bitch and so is your Mom for raising a twat like you. Learn to share a fucking parking stall, cunt mist!

And Learn To Park, Jerk!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Sports Car - Gone Too Far

Reader submitted. Thanks for this spectacular find!

If you've been following the site for long, you know this is a common occurrence.

Man has mid life crisis.
Man buys fancy car to feel better.
Man lives life in constant paranoia that someone will touch car.
Man becomes even bigger asshole than he was before.

Taking up four spaces to protect your dick replacement. What a cockless douche!

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to raise money and buy a piece of shit beater of a car. And I'm going to park EXCEPTIONALLY close to people like this. And, if possible, block their driver side door with my P.O.S. Teach these fuckers a lesson!

Until then, keep your fucking car home if you're so god damned worried about it and Learn To Park, Jerk!