Friday, May 28, 2010

Dirty Jeepskate


Let's make a list of reasons why someone would park like this:

1. Their windshield was too dirty and they couldn't see the lines.

2. They're a result of inbreeding and their Cyclops-like eye couldn't focus properly.

3. It was a woman driver.

No, as feasible as they all sound, it all comes down to what's known as Occum's Razor, which states 'The simplest solution tends to be the correct one."

The person is a fucking idiot, plain and simple.

Kindly get yourself a sulfuric acid enema and Learn To Park, Jerk!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Little Red Corvette


Reader submitted. I'm sure petty jealousy had nothing to do with the whole "I'm telling on you!" process.

Well, here's yet another classic case of "New Car/Park Gay/Feel Secure" syndrome. In reality, it's actually "Small Dick/Loose Vagina/Fuck Off And Die".

There's two solutions for this:

(1) If you don't want your overpriced libido replacement harmed, LEAVE IT THE FUCK AT HOME, CUNT NUGGET!

(2) Donate to Learn To Park, Jerk! so we can buy a piece of shit beater to park diagonally NEXT to douche bags like this! Imagine how pissed they'll be when they come back to their vehicle and see a rusty 1986 Chevette parked next to their $50,000 small dick magnifier!

So, Corvette owner, beware! Your days are now numbered! Sell your Fag-Mobile or Learn To Park, Jerk!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Saskatche-Van


Things Alberta Gets From Saskatchewan That They Don't Need:

(1) Loose women that taste like corn

(2) Drunk Prairie dwellers who smell like corn

(3) Mentally retarded parking lot ass hats who are dumber than corn

Why would you park like such a moron? It can't be because you're afraid of someone damaging your precious baby. Let's face it; your van looks like it was scraped from inside the anus of God himself! And if it's a disability thing, you would have used the handicap parking found all over Edmonton; home to many an oilfield cripple.

No, you parked like this because you're, straight up, a fucking asshole.

Kindly take a long drive off a short pier and, while you're re-evaluating your life underwater, Learn To Park, Jerk!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Fahrvergn├╝gen This!


What would Hitler drive if he ever came out of hiding? A Volkswagen, of course. And how would he park his Fuhrer-mobile? Probably like this!

Ok. Yes, the pussy fart of a human being next to you is hugging the line like a little bitch. Shame on him and his obvious lack of common sense and sex appeal. But you...YOU park on an angle and cross over the line to compensate?

Nu-uh! Fuck you and the little Pomeranian dog you get to lick aerosol cheese off your 2 inch dong, Little Hitler! Why don't you spend less time organizing death camps, propaganda speeches and fund raising bikini car washes to put forth the effort to Learn To Park, Jerk!