Don't Know Jack In Fort Mac

Reader submitted from Fort McMurray, AB. Thanks for the mighty fine pic!

So here's another first: I'm almost defending this bad parkers actions.

Almost.

If you look to the far left of the picture, you see another bone head hugging the line of his stall. In light of that, I almost understand why this guy had to park like a complete jackass.

What wins him a spot is the fact that the extra stall this guy is mooching is blocked off by a traffic cone.

Dude, the edge of the cone doesn't denote the edge of the space needed. It means the whole space is reserved. If you had been a line hugger as well and not put a third of your hill billy mobile over the line, you probably could have gotten away with this. But you got greedy and now look at you: featured on a stupid website like this.

It's almost as embarrassing as getting caught touching yourself in a woman's lingerie store while you're "shopping for a friend".

So, while I see why this dude parked bad, he didn't have to park THIS bad.

Learn To Park, Jerk!

Two For One? Screw that!

This is such a beautiful picture, it should be framed and set over a mantle piece. It's the classic bad parker in between two individuals who know what the hell they're doing.

Another way of looking at this is: it's a moron truck driver who probably knocked his last brain cell out of his head installing a hitch on the back of the truck so he can haul dead kitten carcasses he drowned on his farm to the nearest Chinese Food restaurant with intelligent car drivers acting as bookends.

However, thanks to this site, we know that car drivers can be utter retards too, so the first assumption stands as a better explanation.

Learn To Park, Jerk!

D'uh...What's The Purdy Lines Fer?

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

A Ford Three Spaces?

Reader submitted! Extreme thanks as I think this particular style of parking is a first for Learn To Park, Jerk!

Here we have someone's company vehicle stretching across not one, not two but THREE parking spaces. Oh, and look! One of them is a handicap space. That's just icing on the cake of Jackassery! Mmmmm good!

In this dick hole's defense (or vagina crater), he/she is parked diagonally. So if you drove a Vespa or a handicap adapted Smart Car, you could theoretically park on either side. But, really, that isn't much of a defense. He's parked like an ass and it shows.

So, a round of applause, please, for another bad parking first, and a heart felt SCREW YOU TOO to the driver!

Learn To Park, Jerk!

Crossed The Line

Maybe some of these folks think that you're supposed to line up the center of your vehicle with one of the yellow lines. Kind of like a monorail concept. But this wanker would still be in the wrong. What a naturally bad parker!

Learn To Park, Jerk!

Peace River Blues

Reader submitted from way up north. Thanks for sending us these!

So...

We knew there were rumors. Bad parkers ARE everywhere, not just in Edmonton. And what a doozy this one is.

A line violator is bad. But encroaching on the handicap parking spot is just low. It's watching your sister take a shower kind of low. Spanking your monkey at a school playground kind of low. Flashing a blind man when you have really nice appendages kind of low.

Tag it. Tow it. Sell it at auction. Then send this jerk back to BC. Not that THAT will help him improve his parking. But we have enough peckerheads here messing up the parking situation as it is. We don't need to be importing more!

Learn To Park, Jerk!

No Name Nonsense

This arse wipe is taking up two spaces. Ho hum...same old same old. But the thing is, I watched this jerk back up and park his vehicle THREE times.

Three tries and you couldn't get it right? No one was even around you, pressuring you to park faster. You are just naturally this stupid.

You, sir, should NOT have received your license.

To actually see this in action was sad, indeed. Like watching someone get mugged. Way to bring the party down, moron.

Learn To Park, Jerk!

Wanna Be A Cripple?

Yet another fuck face using the handicap spot to "run a quick errand".

You could argue that maybe this is a handicapped person that forgot their parking permit. Fair enough. Except I know a few "challenged" folks who have this permit and they treat it like the second coming of Jesus. The thing never leaves their side. I think they even shower with it.

Yes, the handicap spot is cherry. Yes, it's prettier than a choir boy to a preacher. But it's off limits! Period!

So Learn To Park, Jerk. And don't be so fucking lazy!

Altima Online

Reader submitted. Extreme thanks!

"God damn, dear. I seem to have blown our entire nest egg on a Nissan Altima!"

"Dahling, how will we evah survive a 6 year lease?"

"For starters, no more birth control for either of us. I'll cut back on Barely 18 porn and you'll have to stop servicing the milkman for free. And we'll start sneaking Tupperware into the Royal Fork Buffet!"

"Now I know why I married you. You're a thinkin' man! I love you, Zeke!"

"Ditto, sis! Now help me park this overpriced dick on wheels so that I look like a douche bag to everyone around me."

Seriously, what the hell is this pube salad doing? You've violated the parking space next to you, thereby making it unusable by anyone except motorcycles and Gumby and Pokey. And you also park halfway down the spot itself? What the fuck?

Now, maybe these are over sized stalls and the nose of your Altima ISN'T poking out the front like a school boy's erection. But cripes! Are you unloading Malaysian hookers with low self esteem from your trunk? Why such a gap?

Either way, smarten the hell up and Learn To Park, Jerk!

Dodge Ram It Up Your Ass!

Reader submitted. Thanks for caring!

What is it with trucks and parking spaces? Have we found the new oil and water of the 21st century? Are these two things not supposed to mix well? It sure as hell seems that way!

How do you park like this and NOT know you're taking up two spots? You don't! This was deliberate. And, to be honest, I think it really says a lot about many Edmonton truck owners. And what it says is that they're mostly a bunch of pussies.

"Whoa there. That's pretty harsh. What the hell?" I can hear some of you asking that very question...

Consider this...truck commercials show swarthy men hauling steel girders and concrete blocks around with their Ford and Dodge trucks. They put their ATV's and motorbikes on the back and drive for miles across dirt roads.

Now, cut to real life. "Oh my gosh! I'm going to take up two parking spaces so no one will park near me. I'll just DIE if my truck gets dinged or brushed against by someone's over sized trench coat. Waaaaaaah! Maybe I should set up flares and cones too!"

Listen Nancy Boy/Daddy's Girl. You bought a truck/had a truck bought for you. Toughen up. If you want to keep it in pristine condition, leave it in your garage! Stop giving truck owning manly men and plaid wearing lesbians a bad name!

Oh, and Learn To Park, Jerk!