A Night Vision Of Stupidity

Reader submitted. Very nice. Night vision photography. Now NO ONE is safe from the reach of obsessive compulsive nerds! Thanks for sharing the tech!

It's the same old story. Some cow fucker with a truck feels justified in taking up as much space as possible because "Ma truck is jus' so dang large. Man large."

Nope. Sorry. That's no excuse to screw up 4 stalls. This is the big city, dip shit. Parking is at a premium. Even late at night. Just like your wife's vagina.

Learn To Park, Jerk!

Dodging Common Sense

Reader submitted. Thanks for the catch! But remember: no one likes a tattle tale. Except us.

When Hillbilly Jed struck black gold on the land he was squatting on, he done ran out and got his self a darn purdy new horseless wagon. But when he went to the local incest swinger party at the neighborhood mall, he discovered he could see a man who looked just like him staring back at him from the shine on his carriage.

Afraid anything would happen to his new friend, Jed decided to protect him by taking up two parking stalls. Of course, it didn't hurt that the new man also had an underage daughter who looked a lot like his own. Why, if he weren't married to Little Brittany already, he'd totally marry the shiny new girl. Shucks. Poor Jed.

Look, fuck face. One vehicle = one spot. If you can't do math over there in Butt Fuck, Wyoming,
then you shouldn't have a license. Funny how you're able to budget out your welfare cheque to get enough moonshine to last you the month.

Either smarten the hell up, fall into a really deep cesspool or Learn To Park, Jerk!

NWT = NitWiT?

Ah, the Northwest Territories. Canada's very own Siberia. A place where we send our most unwanted individuals. Except for Celine Dion, who bought her way back into the southern hemisphere.

Obviously, someone blew the right official and got a day pass to visit a province outside of their stinkin' Hell hole. Sadly, they thought their half-assed way of parking would fly here.

Well, it doesn't. So, kindly take your polar bear raping, Inuit molesting, seal fornicating ass back up north and keep it there before we re-introduce chlorofluorocarbons back into the atmosphere and kill you all with global warming a wee bit faster.

Oh, and Learn To Park, Jerk!

P.S. Tell Santa I said "Hey." If you haven't burned him for a night of heat, that is. Jackass.

Mini Van Parking Ban

Reader submitted. Thanks, but what the hell??? Did an epileptic monkey on a pogo stick take this shot? Slow it down to 50 the next time you try to grab a photo! Geez!

So, here we have a case of an inconsiderate mini van owner parking wherever she likes. It's not like she even tried to park between the lines. She turned the corner and just left her bucket of rust to take up two spots. Probably how she enters public bathroom stalls. One leg under the stall wall...her fat ass pressing against both walls...purse under the other stall wall...

More than likely, she parked like this because her kid was caught shoplifting condoms for her abusive husband so she wouldn't further populate the planet with more fuck nut bad parkers like herself. For that, she gets my gratitude. But for parking like such an asshole, she gets a heart felt:

"Learn To Park, Jerk!"

WE'RE BACK! Now look at this Fuck Wad!

Learn To Park, Jerk! is back in session after a MUCH needed break. We tried to focus less on the negative aspects of the world around us but...well...cock knockers like this keep fucking with our shit! So we threw our hands up in the air, dusted off the cameras and POW! We're back!

And what better way to kick things off with a license plate that pretty much spells JERK. And sprawled across two parking spaces too! It's like finding a pearl buried in a pile of monkey shit in the jungle.

So thanks, Mr. Inconsiderate Parker/Ass Hemorrhage. You've made 21st century news! Ya cunt!

Learn To Park, Jerk!

BMW - Be More Waspish?

Reader submitted. Thanks for the drive by shooting!

The classic "My Car Is Worth More Than Your Wife's Fake Jugs So I'll Park So No One Will Ding The Only Thing I Have Of Value In My Life Oh God I'm So Lonely".

What do we say to jerks like this, class? All together now!

IF YOU DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO YOUR PRECIOUS VEHICLE, LEAVE IT THE FUCK AT HOME!

Excellent everybody! And what else do we say to dried man juice stains like this?

LEARN TO PARK, JERK!

Beautiful!

Ain't That Grand AM!

Reader submitted. Learn To Park, Jerk! Ninjas are EVERYWHERE!!!

From the photo's owner him/herself!

"This jerk parked over two stalls so he could avoid door dings that would otherwise ruin the “pristine” exterior of his priceless Grand Am. It looks like he learned his lesson the hard way as someone squeezed in next to him and appears to have dinged his car with a sledgehammer."

It's hard to tell from this photo that the door is dinged. But isn't that the kind of justice you'd like to see? I'd also like to see the car's owner get their pubes stuck on a fresh strip of fly paper too! Official Learn To Park, Jerk! Flypaper, coming to a store near you!

Then they'd know a higher power had gotten them back! Until then, stop being a vagina-less douche and Learn To Park, Jerk!

POST #100

Reader submitted. Congrats on being the 100th post! You don't get anything but bragging rights but hey! If you're a social outcast who likes taking pictures of parked cars, that's probably pretty damn cool anyway!

When Grandma died and left you your inheritance, she left strict instructions to use the money to better your life. So what did you do?

You bought a Dodge Intrepid.

You didn't go back to school to get your GED.

You didn't do something about your messed up donkey teeth.

You didn't even look into getting your second testicle surgically descended.

Nope.

You bought a used sports car.

Maybe you should have bought a used 70's Volkswagen Beetle and used the rest of the money to Learn To Park, Jerk!

Crooked, Clueless But Not Odorless

Reader submitted! Thanks for the shot! But maybe next time, use a flash or whip out a lighter to shed a little light on the picture!

Had to brighten the picture to show what exactly the problem was here. Thanks to the power of modern technology and an overpriced version of Photoshop, we discover what evil lurks in the dark. A poorly parked Fuckimus Faceus!

Parked on an angle. Taking up two spaces. And probably has a dashboard covered in cigarette burns and boogers. Typical rural Albertan!

Lookee here, Zeke! Thanks for bringing your wheat money and tainted beef coinage into our bustling city to buy the latest plaid and flannel fashions. But if you want to be taken seriously, smarten the hell up and Learn To Park, Jerk!

Too Damn Nosey!

Reader submitted! Thanks for snapping this from the safety of your Pope-mobile.

So what kind of person parks so far into a stall that the front of their vehicle penetrates the stall on the other side?

(1) Child molesters
(2) Lepers
(3) Gang Rapists
(4) STD Carriers
(5) Fucking Idiots

Do you also park your vehicle with the front of it smashed through the back of your garage? No? Then you must have some concept of where the front of your vehicle is. Take a moment and back up next time. Something your Daddy should have done before laying down with your Momma!

Smarten up and Learn To Park, Jerk!