Dirty Jeepskate

Let's make a list of reasons why someone would park like this:

1. Their windshield was too dirty and they couldn't see the lines.

2. They're a result of inbreeding and their Cyclops-like eye couldn't focus properly.

3. It was a woman driver.

No, as feasible as they all sound, it all comes down to what's known as Occum's Razor, which states 'The simplest solution tends to be the correct one."

The person is a fucking idiot, plain and simple.

Kindly get yourself a sulfuric acid enema and Learn To Park, Jerk!

Little Red Corvette

Reader submitted. I'm sure petty jealousy had nothing to do with the whole "I'm telling on you!" process.

Well, here's yet another classic case of "New Car/Park Gay/Feel Secure" syndrome. In reality, it's actually "Small Dick/Loose Vagina/Fuck Off And Die".

There's two solutions for this:

(1) If you don't want your overpriced libido replacement harmed, LEAVE IT THE FUCK AT HOME, CUNT NUGGET!

(2) Donate to Learn To Park, Jerk! so we can buy a piece of shit beater to park diagonally NEXT to douche bags like this! Imagine how pissed they'll be when they come back to their vehicle and see a rusty 1986 Chevette parked next to their $50,000 small dick magnifier!

So, Corvette owner, beware! Your days are now numbered! Sell your Fag-Mobile or Learn To Park, Jerk!

Saskatche-Van

Things Alberta Gets From Saskatchewan That They Don't Need:

(1) Loose women that taste like corn

(2) Drunk Prairie dwellers who smell like corn

(3) Mentally retarded parking lot ass hats who are dumber than corn

Why would you park like such a moron? It can't be because you're afraid of someone damaging your precious baby. Let's face it; your van looks like it was scraped from inside the anus of God himself! And if it's a disability thing, you would have used the handicap parking found all over Edmonton; home to many an oilfield cripple.

No, you parked like this because you're, straight up, a fucking asshole.

Kindly take a long drive off a short pier and, while you're re-evaluating your life underwater, Learn To Park, Jerk!

Fahrvergnügen This!

What would Hitler drive if he ever came out of hiding? A Volkswagen, of course. And how would he park his Fuhrer-mobile? Probably like this!

Ok. Yes, the pussy fart of a human being next to you is hugging the line like a little bitch. Shame on him and his obvious lack of common sense and sex appeal. But you...YOU park on an angle and cross over the line to compensate?

Nu-uh! Fuck you and the little Pomeranian dog you get to lick aerosol cheese off your 2 inch dong, Little Hitler! Why don't you spend less time organizing death camps, propaganda speeches and fund raising bikini car washes to put forth the effort to Learn To Park, Jerk!

Pussy Parker

How many trucks have we seen parked poorly over the past couple of years? Way too many! And here's another cunt weed who thinks it's alright to monopolize TWO stalls with his Hillbilly limousine. And at such a blatant angle, he's obviously not wanting anyone to park next to him.

Um...excuse me...Mr. Dick Stub? You're driving a GODDAMN TRUCK! A big, burly Ford F150! Not some bitch Pinto or a homosexual SMART car. A TRUCK! Are you THAT big of a pussy that you're afraid of what might happen to it? Do you just use it to transport fat bitches to Tony Roma's on All You Can Eat Rib Night or what?

Grow a pair, stop wearing panties and fucking Learn To Park, Jerk!

Retarded Park Ranger

Reader submitted. Thanks for doing what others only dream of doing: nailing a parking lot a-hole to the wall!

Gawd DAMN! Albertans love their trucks and that's a fact! Another fact is that with their overpriced gas guzzling shit kicker vehicle comes a free lobotomy. The evidence is shown in this ass cowboy's park job.

Parking ON the line AND cutting into a handicap parking zone to boot? Wow! What a C-U-Next-Tuesday!

No doubt, he was tired after having underage school boys perform fellatio on him for hours on end, only to realize he lost his dick years ago when his old 'hawse' bit it off during his very own Brokeback Mountain camping trip.

Sir, kindly shove a jagged tin can up your ass and develop a spastic sphincter!

And Learn To Park, Jerk!

Austinker Truck Driver

Reader submitted! Way to bring another first to Learn To Park, Jerk! Video! Brilliant!



Go Big Or Go Home! That's what our Texan friends say ALL THE TIME! Well, I guess that goes for being the biggest asshole parker of all time!

Who blocks someone's driveway with their vehicle? A cock savoring fucknut, that's who! Typical redneck truck driving behavior so I'm really not surprised. But thanks for the easily recognizable vanity plate! PAPA MK? That should make the lives of all vengeful Austin parking Nazi's find you and exact justice the only way they know how! With their cameras!

And maybe a shotgun or two. Not that I endorse violence. I just happen to know far too many gun toting Texans.

On behalf of this poor driveway's owner: go fuck yourself with a rusty iron pole. I'm sure your red headed step child could use the break from servicing your size 9 poop chute! Asshole!

Learn To Park, Jerk!

Station Wagon Parking Lot Dragon...PLUS!

Reader submitted. Way to take a pic from a quarter mile away! But as long as you remain safe from the big bad station wagon owner... :P

Here we have two, yes, TWO moron parkers. One in the center of the photo and another further up in the picture. TWO IDIOTS DOING THE SAME THING!

Here's a helpful lesson for all you new drivers. What do you do when a parking lot is full?

Give up?

You make your own fucking spot! Park wherever you like! To play it safe, park NEAR other people who have parked correctly. That way you'll look like less of a fucking idiot. Only your family and friends will know what a real drain of Earth's resources you are.

Both of you; do me a favor. Fuck off a gargle a rusty razor blade! And Learn To Park, Jerks!

Cuntario Parker in AB

Talk about making yourself at home. This half wit spastic tard must have seen another Alberta driver park poorly and decided to try and blend in with the crowd.

If it weren't for your misplaced air of superiority and FUCKING ONTARIO LICENSE PLATE, you may have succeeded.

So, if you're not too busy eating jam out of your mother's anus and suckling on your Daddy's dong, kindly Learn To Park, Jerk!

Grand Canyon A-Hole

God damn.

God damn. God damn. God DAMN!

How can a person like this exist on Earth? A person who parks a trillion miles from a support beam and hogs two parking spots should be anally raped with a red hot poker and bukkaked by several rutting moose. And, just to add insult to injury, the same should happen to their Grandmother while they're forced to watch.

If you can't park properly, fuck off and take the bus, shit stain! Learn To Park, Jerk!