Fahrvergnügen This!

What would Hitler drive if he ever came out of hiding? A Volkswagen, of course. And how would he park his Fuhrer-mobile? Probably like this!

Ok. Yes, the pussy fart of a human being next to you is hugging the line like a little bitch. Shame on him and his obvious lack of common sense and sex appeal. But you...YOU park on an angle and cross over the line to compensate?

Nu-uh! Fuck you and the little Pomeranian dog you get to lick aerosol cheese off your 2 inch dong, Little Hitler! Why don't you spend less time organizing death camps, propaganda speeches and fund raising bikini car washes to put forth the effort to Learn To Park, Jerk!

Pussy Parker

How many trucks have we seen parked poorly over the past couple of years? Way too many! And here's another cunt weed who thinks it's alright to monopolize TWO stalls with his Hillbilly limousine. And at such a blatant angle, he's obviously not wanting anyone to park next to him.

Um...excuse me...Mr. Dick Stub? You're driving a GODDAMN TRUCK! A big, burly Ford F150! Not some bitch Pinto or a homosexual SMART car. A TRUCK! Are you THAT big of a pussy that you're afraid of what might happen to it? Do you just use it to transport fat bitches to Tony Roma's on All You Can Eat Rib Night or what?

Grow a pair, stop wearing panties and fucking Learn To Park, Jerk!

Retarded Park Ranger

Reader submitted. Thanks for doing what others only dream of doing: nailing a parking lot a-hole to the wall!

Gawd DAMN! Albertans love their trucks and that's a fact! Another fact is that with their overpriced gas guzzling shit kicker vehicle comes a free lobotomy. The evidence is shown in this ass cowboy's park job.

Parking ON the line AND cutting into a handicap parking zone to boot? Wow! What a C-U-Next-Tuesday!

No doubt, he was tired after having underage school boys perform fellatio on him for hours on end, only to realize he lost his dick years ago when his old 'hawse' bit it off during his very own Brokeback Mountain camping trip.

Sir, kindly shove a jagged tin can up your ass and develop a spastic sphincter!

And Learn To Park, Jerk!

Austinker Truck Driver

Reader submitted! Way to bring another first to Learn To Park, Jerk! Video! Brilliant!



Go Big Or Go Home! That's what our Texan friends say ALL THE TIME! Well, I guess that goes for being the biggest asshole parker of all time!

Who blocks someone's driveway with their vehicle? A cock savoring fucknut, that's who! Typical redneck truck driving behavior so I'm really not surprised. But thanks for the easily recognizable vanity plate! PAPA MK? That should make the lives of all vengeful Austin parking Nazi's find you and exact justice the only way they know how! With their cameras!

And maybe a shotgun or two. Not that I endorse violence. I just happen to know far too many gun toting Texans.

On behalf of this poor driveway's owner: go fuck yourself with a rusty iron pole. I'm sure your red headed step child could use the break from servicing your size 9 poop chute! Asshole!

Learn To Park, Jerk!

Station Wagon Parking Lot Dragon...PLUS!

Reader submitted. Way to take a pic from a quarter mile away! But as long as you remain safe from the big bad station wagon owner... :P

Here we have two, yes, TWO moron parkers. One in the center of the photo and another further up in the picture. TWO IDIOTS DOING THE SAME THING!

Here's a helpful lesson for all you new drivers. What do you do when a parking lot is full?

Give up?

You make your own fucking spot! Park wherever you like! To play it safe, park NEAR other people who have parked correctly. That way you'll look like less of a fucking idiot. Only your family and friends will know what a real drain of Earth's resources you are.

Both of you; do me a favor. Fuck off a gargle a rusty razor blade! And Learn To Park, Jerks!

Cuntario Parker in AB

Talk about making yourself at home. This half wit spastic tard must have seen another Alberta driver park poorly and decided to try and blend in with the crowd.

If it weren't for your misplaced air of superiority and FUCKING ONTARIO LICENSE PLATE, you may have succeeded.

So, if you're not too busy eating jam out of your mother's anus and suckling on your Daddy's dong, kindly Learn To Park, Jerk!

Grand Canyon A-Hole

God damn.

God damn. God damn. God DAMN!

How can a person like this exist on Earth? A person who parks a trillion miles from a support beam and hogs two parking spots should be anally raped with a red hot poker and bukkaked by several rutting moose. And, just to add insult to injury, the same should happen to their Grandmother while they're forced to watch.

If you can't park properly, fuck off and take the bus, shit stain! Learn To Park, Jerk!

Original Jerk Quandary

Viewer submitted by the same person as the Insult To Injury post. You even used the flash. Ballsy. Me like. (Not balls...just the ballsy attitude...)

You have two, maybe three people in a row, all parked like Ray Charles was behind the wheel after a college kegger. Usually, most of these people have to park poorly because of the actions of one limp penis. In this photo, and by using the parking CSI skills that I obtained through mail order schooling, I'd have to say it's the hillbilly Chevy to the right who started the whole mess.

Listen Cletus...I'm sure there's a redneck bitch who is appreciative of the field plowing you're trying to give her. But it's apparent (by using those same CSI parking skills) that your penis hasn't moved since Hinckley shot Reagan and, even if it did, your scabbed up trailer park whore is probably looser than your prison stretched anus.

I'd like to suggest you run a hose from the tailpipe to the cab of your Crud Mobile and idle the vehicle for a few hours while you take a nap inside. See how that goes.

Alternately, you could just Learn To Park, Jerk!

Adding Insult To Injury

Viewer submitted. Fearing retribution from a dozen Hispanic midgets in a Mini Cooper, the submitter blanked out the plates. Tsk tsk.

Imagine, if you will...God loses your legs in a game of Texas Hold 'Em and you're left hobbling around on two broom handles strapped to your pelvic bone. Sure, vaginal splinter suck, but the bright side is: you get the best parking spots available!

That is, until a rectal polyp such as this decides he'll park his Fag-Mobile in such a way as to infringe on your sweet ass parking stall. And since it's hard enough to drive with two broom handles crammed in your cha-cha, you're probably going to (a) hit this fucker or (b) park poorly; resulting in you falling flat on your face.

Sure, it'll look funny to the rest of us, but the fact remains, this son of a whore is the cause of your impending humiliation.

To you, Mr. Poor Excuse for a Driver: die in a fire. And Learn To Park, Jerk!

Deck This Guy With Boughs Of Holly

Viewer submitted: by Santa, I think. While I appreciate the help, maybe you should have been tending to your elves. They totally botched my life sized replica blow up doll of Jenny McCarthy! Not one point of entry! What a waste!

It's the last Sunday before Christmas. You've been working double shifts and overtime so you can afford to get Little Johnny a new PS3, Baby Sue the complete set of Hannah Montana dolls and the wife a pair of crotchless panties that you'll secretly wear when she's out of town. You finally get a day off and head down to the jam packed mall.

But wait. What the FUCK is this?

Some cock knot has parked his hillbilly pussy wagon across TWO stalls! Because parking is SOOOOO plentiful during the Christmas rush. Yeah.

You cunt.

And how ironic is the bumper sticker? MEAN PEOPLE SUCK! I almost think that's meant as this gay-wad's vanity plate. Yeah, you suck pal! AND swallow! Just like Mommy!

So now you're left to circle the parking lot like you're driving the Indy 500 while this rat bastard son of a bitch wastes TWO spaces just so he can buy batteries for his vibrating butt plug.

Get a clue. It's Christmas, you waste of oxygen! Share the fucking lot! And Learn To Park, Jerk!